Yes, I plan to go back an elaborate more on all these little idioms in future blog posts. 

10. I’m not too cool to be excited

I used to wish I could be like those ultra-chill, rich, and glamorous girls who casually sip $30 martinis and show an utter apathy towards the exciting things in their life. The girls who have spent $30k+ on veneers but would rather die than smile. The girls who ride around cities in limos but are unimpressed with the snack and beverage assortment. The girls who could be in the same yoga class as Gwyneth Paltrow and pretend they don’t even recognize her!

I have never been “chill.” I am excitable and vivaciously living life! The first time I went to a Michelin Star, I shamelessly asked the waiter to take a photo of me and my fiancé. I am shamelessly dancing and grinning ear to ear whenever I’m at a glamorous club or event – especially if champagne and charcuterie boards are around. I will absolutely fan-girl over any celebrity I meet!

And I like that about myself. I like how much I enjoy these fancy, luxurious experiences. I’m not going to dim my enthusiasm just so I can seem “too cool to care.” I LIKE to like things.

Advice: Grow up. It’s not middle school… its ok to genuinely like things

9. Charisma is the key to adapting to new social settings   

My fiancé opens doors for me – literally and figuratively. While I appreciate the chivalrous component, some of the other figurative doors he’s opened for me have felt intimidating. Fancy charity galas, more casual covert business dinners with colleagues, or even private clubs. 

I refuse to play into a “Cinderella” narrative. I’m not some hick girl he found and gave a complete life makeover. No. I have an educational background that can only be described as “snobby,” I met him with a closet of well-fitting, preppy clothes (albeit lacking designer labels), and I have classic, elegant, “New England girl” energy. 

… That being said, his lifestyle was still elevated compared to mine. (BUT I STILL MAINTAIN I DIDN’T NOT BELONG)

As I was navigating his world of upper-elite businessmen I felt a lot of intimidation. I still do, but I am managing it better. I found that being charismatic has helped me immensely. Not only for creating polite connections via small-talk, but also for communicating my stress with both my pre-TWIT friends and my fiancé. Being able to describe my insecurities and communicate when I’m feeling insufficient has really allowed me to persevere and get the emotional support I need. 

Advice: Being able to articulate your needs and concerns can help you navigate new and intimidating situations.

8. Your Appearance Matters.

I wish I could make this blog a cozy, feel-good message. I wish I could pretend that society has progressed to a point where people are judged solely by the content of their character, rather than their outward appearance. I happily acknowledge that we have come very far even in the past few decades in terms of social progress – we no longer have the wide-spread myopic opinion that a woman must be blonde, blue-eyed, thin, and white to be beautiful. (Don’t get me wrong, we still see that archetype as beautiful, but are open to “deviations” also being considered beautiful)

But I must insist that your appearance matters. 

The way you dress, style your hair, and wear your make-up is considered a direct reflection of your self-worth. Investing into your personal style and appearance are important. 

Advice: Take pride in your appearance and make sure it conveys the message you want to send. 

(See point #4 if you want more clarification). 

7. “Reinventing” is daunting, and “leveling-up” doesn’t happen overnight.

Speaking of outward appearance, I initially took on the task of a major fashion overhaul. I felt a lot of anxiety and stress about my existing closet. I had already been haphazardly dressing up for events – sometimes looking perfectly appropriate, other times looking dowdy or even cheap. I still feel occasional embarrassment at some of my previous subpar or unflattering outfits I wore to events and date nights early on in my relationship. 

That being said, something in me snapped when I officially got engaged. I’m not sure if it was the dissonance between a diamond ring on my finger and a cheap $40 pair of jeans, but I became extremely self-conscious and immediately went into a tizzy about upgrading my closet. It was exhausting and super ineffective. Quite frankly, even if I had been able to successfully coordinate a full new wardrobe to replace my existing closet overnight, it still requires the building of habits to slowly elevate outfits overtime. 

I’ve calmed down (thank goodness) and am now being continuously mindful about my clothing purchases and balancing my current fashion sense with the “elevated elegance” of fancier, well-made clothing. 

Advice: Changing your appearance or habits doesn’t happen over-night. Work diligently over time to become the best version of yourself. 

6. Some things never change.

It’s easy to get lost in a luxurious lifestyle. A daily housekeeper, a spacious gorgeous apartment (with off street parking!), a wine connoisseur fiancé… I developed my taste for the finer things quickly and enthusiastically. 

However, I was initially worried that my fiancé (and therefore my future lifestyle) was rooted in snobbery about price tags, rather than genuine preference and taste. A fear I was able to disprove over time and many… *ahem*… subliminal tests. Specifically, making him try my cheap guilty pleasures. Even more specifically: Dunkin’. 

Being a true Boston girl, one of my biggest fears was that Dunkin’ would no longer be a part of my life. My fiancé home roasts his coffee beans and brews the most exquisite expresso beverages… but I still love my Dunkin’.

While my fiancé still deeply dislikes Dunkin’, it was funny watching him suffer through a few cappuccinos. He will never like Dunkin’ but his willingness to acknowledge and try my less… refined preferences (Dunkin’ is only one example) has reassured me that it truly is his taste and not just him peacocking. All this to say…

Advice: you can “level-up” your lifestyle but you should still keep the things you love even if they’re not aligned with your preconceived notion of your “leveled-up” self.

5. Budgeting becomes confusing.

I’ve been dancing around this concept in my previous points, but I’ll address the elephant in the room. Financial freedom. 

I’m truly blessed to have this level of financial freedom.

I’ve always worked, and my parents raised me to be very conscious of spending and budgeting. I lived a comfortable life supporting myself up until I started dating my fiancé, but he obviously began providing financial support as we became more serious. It started with him offering to buy me dresses I liked, or paying for my beauty appointments (hair, nails, etc.) but as we became more serious our relationship naturally began intertwining finances more. 

After we got engaged and I officially moved in, it effectively became a fully shared financial situation. Spending his money was one thing when it felt like gifts, but full spending power was quite a new experience for me. The first few times I went grocery shopping I remember feeling very anxious as I filled my cart. Over-evaluating each decision thinking “Would I buy this on my own?” for each over-priced snack or food item I added to my cart.

It was a slow process, but ultimately I just had to get over it. He trusts me to make reasonable purchases and knows I’m not taking advantage of this level of financial freedom. For larger purchases I still talk to him (designer bags, functional household equipment, etc.), but mostly because I want his genuine opinion, rather than his “permission.”

Advice: Communicate early and often as finances merge so both parties feel fully comfortable.

4. Rejecting a social norm doesn’t eliminate the social norm.

I wish we lived in a better society. One that was more fair, equitable, and egalitarian. Where appearances were not deeply attached to character perception (see #8), where stereotypes were all flattering – if not non-existent, and people always gave and received the benefit of the doubt. 

Unfortunately, that is not the world we live in. I wish it was, but it’s not. 

People are harsh and judgmental. Becoming a “trophy wife” introduced me to a new set of people with different standards, but that principal stands regardless of socio-economic status. Denying or ignoring social norms does not solve that problem.

I often must play into these social norms, regardless if I think they are “right.” While I don’t consider myself particularly “woke,” I actively try to be a fair, equitable person. I refuse to live in delusion and operate as if the world was the way it “should” be. 

Advice: Pick your battles. Besides, a realistic understanding of how the world actually is can help provide a foundation for you to create meaningful change in the long-run.  

3. The “ring” is a HUGE legitimizer!

I often get flack on my (satire!) tiktok account for being very marriage oriented. While I never structured my life around marriage, I did know from a young age I wanted the traditional approach to family life:

            Dating > Engagement > Marriage > Kids

People can argue with me as much as they want, but those two middle steps are VERY important in the context of my lifestyle.

I noticed a HUGE difference in how I was treated in social settings after I became engaged to my fiancé. I was legitimized. Many people who had previously been aloof but polite were suddenly super warm and friendly! I hadn’t even previously realized how I was functionally a pariah!! A ring and a formalized marriage are crucial if you’re interested in fully assimilating into higher society. 

I’ll write a longer blog post about this later. 

Advice: Legitimize any long-term relationship – formally and legally. Don’t “play house.”

2. Women are the key to social success

I quickly observed how other women are truly the gatekeepers of “high society.” As I scroll through social media, I observe that the majority of advice about “how to marry rich” or “how to fit in with the elite” is geared around dating/marrying a man. I understand the sentiment… but that’s a very myopic and short-sighted approach. A successful husband is for sure a requirement, but that’s not even close to the big picture. 

If you are unable to authentically befriend and engage with the women in these social circles, you will struggle with this lifestyle in the long run.

Charming and befriending the women in those social circles is the real key to long-term success. If you over-focus on appealing to wealthy, successful men, you will find yourself very much alienated from the other women. Myself included! You really think I’m going to let some “cool girl” pick-me bitch smooze my future husband? Absolutely not. You’re blacklisted and whatever guy brought you as a date is getting a public ‘playful’ mocking the next time I see him. 

Advice: Befriending women is as important in assimilating into a wealthy lifestyle as “locking down” a successful man. 

1. Appreciate the evolution of your relationship 

Not to contradict myself from #2, but remember to stop and appreciate your relationship. Getting engaged to my fiance has been a highlight of my life, and we’ve been through so many adventures together since. We became even closer and it’s truly been such a blessing to grow together. 

Life is more than fancy cars, diamond rings, and over-priced dinners. It’s the little, non-glamorous moments that still ultimately build the relationship. Marriage is neither the beginning, nor the end of your relationship. It’s a milestone on the continuous journey of “life.” Ok, even I’m rolling my eyes, but just… love every moment and share it together. 

Advice: You’re with the love of your life, and no matter what happens… that’s beautiful.